To My Sister
by Extraordinarily Extraordinary
Summary: "I read somewhere, once, that writing a letter is a good way to get out the final things you need to say to a person and to get closure when you have none. I don't know if it's true, but I figured it is worth a shot since there is still so much I need to say."


**Do you ever lie in bed and try to sleep when suddenly a story pops into your mind? Do you ever just have an idea that won't leave you alone? I do. I did. I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, and a plot came to my mind. So, at 2 in the morning, without any lights on and no music (which I usually write with), I turned on my computer and wrote. This is the result:**

**(all mistakes are mine, since this was written at 2 with no editing or beta - but nothing else belongs to me)**

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I read somewhere, once, that writing a letter is a good way to get out the final things you need to say to a person and to get closure when you have none. I don't know if it's true, but I figured it is worth a shot since there is still so much I need to say.

First off, I realize now how incredibly awful I was when you first showed up at the hospital. And I'm sorry for that. I think I've apologized before but now seems like a good time - I guess - to really say it and to really apologize. I'm sorry. I didn't want a sister. All my life, it had been just me and my mom. So, basically, just me. I didn't know how to live with a sister. I didn't want to because I was afraid I would mess it up. I'd lost my dad, and my mom, and even your mom, and I didn't think I could live with myself if I lost someone else from my family. And I didn't want to get close to you because I couldn't take losing you too. But, I'm glad I did. I'm glad I did get to know you and love you before I lost you too.

Mark. He's a good guy. At first, I didn't understand. I didn't get why you could fall for him. He was a playboy and he was a jackass. He was Derek's best friend and he was nice enough, but he was a jerk. And yet you stayed with him. For a long time, you stayed. And even when you broke up with him, you still stayed. You never stopped loving him, I could tell, we all could tell. Even Alex and Jackson could tell. They just hoped. The only ones who couldn't tell were Mark, Julia, and you. But, by the end, I know you knew. I know Mark knew. Even Julia had it figured out. She just hoped. But you guys were endgame. You were meant to be, in every way possible. If there were ever two people who were so in love and so perfect for each other, I know it was the two of you. You were never so happy as you were when you were with him. You didn't smile so much or laugh so much when you weren't. The hardest thing Mark ever had to do was watch you die. And the last thing I said to Mark before they took him off life-support was asking him to take care of you. So, please, take care of him too?

There are so many things you should have gotten a chance to do. You should have had a chance to get married and have babies and become the amazing surgeon I know you would've. You should have gotten a chance to do everything. And it sucks that you can't. I know that 'sucks' is an awful word but I just cannot think of anything else. My mind is just blank.

After we were rescued, after we were okay, all I could think about was you. Even before I thought about Derek, or Zola, or anyone, I thought of you. Four days we were out there, four days that I should have accepted the fact that you were gone and you weren't coming back. But no, for those four days, I somehow managed to delude myself into thinking you'd never been on the plane. But at home? There I knew. You were gone and you weren't coming back.

I miss you. Already, I do. I know that you're in a better place now but I miss you. And I know that you're with Mark now and you're probably happier now, but I miss you. I will never not miss you. Life wont' be the same without you. It won't be the same for any of us. I don't think you know how much of an impact you had on all our lives here:

Alex is a mess. Because of you and because of Arizona. He's a mess. Callie and Arizona are struggling. Because of you and because of her leg. But a lot because of you. April feels so guilty because she and Jackson are...together? I don't know. She misses you, in a weird April kind of way. Jackson feels like crap. First you, then Mark. Even Izzie came out for your funeral. She looks good, by the way. But she misses you too. And then there's Zola. She doesn't know what happened. We didn't know how to tell her. But I know that she is missing her aunt. Derek and I are trying to stay strong. We are. But we both feel so guilty for surviving a crash that took the lives of my sister and his best friend. How do we live with that?

So, Lexie, you are so missed around here. This letter was supposed to be about me but I guess it's really about you. I guess it was always going to be about you. I miss you. I love you. I didn't ever want to live without you. But now, I guess I'll have to.

Take care of Mark and say hi to George for me. Hug your mom and tell her I'm sorry. If you see my mom, tell her I love her. Tell them all that I miss them and I'm sorry they died. Take care of them and they'll take care of you.

I guess I'll see you again one day. Soon but not too soon, I hope. I'm not done here yet.

I love you. I have since I met you (even though it took so long for me to admit it) and I always will. You're a great sister. Goodbye Lexie.

Love,

Meredith

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**Thoughts? Love it? Hate it? Please review!**


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